It sounded like a fun way to spend a Monday: Try and do as many Underdog Puppy 3 “best ball” drafts as possible. At five bucks a pop, I thought I would slam 50 drafts in and have a blast doing it.
I’m attempting to do 50 @UnderdogFantasy Best Ball tournaments …. today. Wish me luck.
— Jeff Edelstein (@jeffedelstein) August 1, 2022
After all, it’s $200K to the winner. Might as well more than double my total Underdog exposure, right? After all, I am — ahem — a Best Ball Mania III finalist. (Oh. Wait. For those of you who are like, “wha?” a quick best ball explainer: You draft a fantasy football team in advance of the season, and then … that’s it. Each week, you get credit for your highest scoring quarterback and tight end, your two highest scoring running backs, your three highest scoring wide receivers, and your highest scoring flex. After 14 weeks, you add up the weekly scores and either advance out of your league of 12 to the next round, or you don’t. Rinse and repeat in the “playoffs” in Weeks 15 and 16, and in Week 17 you might win a whole lotta money.)
Welp, at the risk of spoiling the story, let me tell you this: I managed to do 27 drafts in a little over six hours and I will never, ever do this again. Here is my story, beat by beat.
11:15 a.m.: After waiting … and waiting … and waiting … the Puppy finally drops.
— Dart Vandelay (@jamie_porra) August 1, 2022
11:16: I start with the 1:07 pick (seventh pick of the first round), grab Stefon Diggs, and then take Mike Evans on the way back. Josh Allen in round three to match with Diggs, then Hollywood Brown and Chris Godwin and … oh boy. Are you bored already? Sorry. This isn’t going to work. No one wants to hear about who I drafted.
11:57: First draft is over. Only had one going, because I was struggling to get my Spike Week tools up and running. Awesome tools, and I don’t care if I’m hyping a fellow Better Collective concern. Basically, it’s an overlay that tells you who’s playing whom in Weeks 16 and 17, percentages, ownership, average draft position (ADP), all of it. Anyway, I got it squared away, and now it’s time to get serious.
11:58: Next draft, got pick 1:08. Ugh. I want either the first through fifth pick, or give me the last pick so I can sandwich my stuff. Gonna jump into another contest once I get to round four.
12:00 p.m. And … Diggs again. This is not quite how I anticipated things getting started. Screw the fourth round; joining the next tourney now.
12:02: My heart rate is legit elevated. I had plans to do five at a time, and I’m already panicking at two. Breathe, bubba, breathe.
12:07: I’m eight and nine picks away from my next picks. Should I join a third active tourney?
12:07:01: Joined third active tourney.
12:13: That was the fastest six minutes of my life. I’m 10, 10, and 18 picks away. I want to join a fourth concurrent draft, but that’s nutso, right?
12:15: I AM A BEST BALL MANIAC. FOUR DRAFTS AT ONCE.
that’s it I’m doing six at a time pic.twitter.com/Pnhb3aEV1C
— Jeff Edelstein (@jeffedelstein) August 1, 2022
12:18: My son is trying to talk to me about Mr. Beast. I tell him I’m working. My wife looks over my shoulder and says, “[Bleeping bleep].” My job is sometimes hard to explain. (So is Mr. Beast’s, really.)
12:21: Got a lot of tabs open, and missed a pick because I was looking at another draft. Ended up with Tyler Lockett. OK, fine. I’ll just grab Garrett Wilson on the way back for the Week 17 stack (when the Seahawks play the Jets), good night nurse, gimme my money.
12:23: Happened again. Ended up with Chris Godwin. Not crying, but yeesh, this is difficult to navigate.
12:29: Missed again. This time I ended up with Jakobi Meyers, who I want about as much as I want my daughter to grow up to be Deshaun Watson’s masseuse. (Too soon?)
12:39: This is too much. I’m in Lucy-at-the-chocolate-factory territory.
12:40: Missed again. This time I ended up with Jakobi Meyers, who I want about as much as I want my daughter to grow up to be Deshaun Watson’s masseuse. (Too soon?) (This is not a copy-paste editorial mistake. It happened again. I now have an irrational hatred of Jakobi Meyers.)
12:55: OK. Wow. That was a lot. Need food. TUNA FISH! Sorry. Still excited. Gonna get a tuna sandwich. Back in a sec.
1:15: Already got two drafts going post-tuna. Is it bad I feel like I already need Tylenol?
1:33: My wife is cleaning the floors and asked me to get up. I told her I have three drafts going. She stared at me. I’m asking for a divorce.
1:37: Make it four drafts. Got my first 1:01 today. Come to Daddy, Christian McCaffrey. (That was creepy.)
1:38: Remember when I said four drafts were too many? I just had three picks come up at once. I legit just clicked on the highest ADP and moved on. You have to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, and know when to just suck it up and draft Adam Thielen, he’s good for double-digit touchdowns again, yeah?
2:20: I’m three hours in and struggling. This is legitimately exhausting. I don’t think I’ve ever been this mentally engaged in something for so long. No joke.
2:32: My knees are sore from sitting. Should’ve joined the Underdog cardio club.
It’s July 1st, which means it’s time to reveal the secret member-only perk for the Underdog Cardio Club.
106% rake back on all BBMIII drafts posted from a cardio machine from now until the end of summer, still using #underdogcardioclub
Congrats to all who entered! pic.twitter.com/EhAt6CaX19
— Underdog Fantasy (@UnderdogFantasy) July 1, 2022
2:38: Holy crap, my eyes are swimming. Need some fresh air. Taking this party outside.
2:43: Got my first 1:12 of the entire draft season. That’s new and exciting. Send drugs.
2:58: I’m 13 drafts in, and Irv Smith Jr. is somehow on 27 of my teams. I’m M.C. Escher-ing best ball right now.
3:03: Just got 1:12 again. No longer new and exciting. Christian won’t be coming to Daddy. Please don’t tell Christian I speak of him like this.
3:05: Legit trying to think of the last time I concentrated this hard on something and I’m pretty sure it was the SATs. Got an 1190. Not even sure if that’s a #humblebrag. I mean, it was pretty good, yeah? Got me into the University of Maryland, but I dropped out, so who knows. I think I just accidentally drafted Jakobi Meyers again.
3:15: When I shut my eyes all I see is ADP.
3:48: Seems like all I’m getting is 1:01 or 1:12 right now. I’m thinking this is a conspiracy. Keeping my eyes on every grassy knoll within a 25-mile radius.
4:20: I just took D.J. Chark twice within two seconds. #LiveALittle
live a little
— farmer pete (@peteroverzet) August 1, 2022
4:45: I am wiped out. Need to make it to the Spike Week livestream tonight at 7 p.m. where … I’ll be drafting a team. Good lord.
Live at 7 PM ET on @SpikeWeek
I am bringing on @jeffedelstein for a Puppy 3 draft
As he’s drafting FIFTY Underdog Best Ball Drafts TODAYhttps://t.co/WXQQRZSPXL
— Erik Beimfohr 🙌 (@erikbeimfohr) August 1, 2022
5:17: I am no longer having fun. This is like being in the back seat of a station wagon when you’re 8 years old and you’ve burned through all the 9-volt batteries for Mattel football and your dad says, “Just another six hours to South of the Border, then you can use the bathroom.”
5:18: Gonna come up with another metaphor.
Five minutes later …
5:23: This is the equivalent of saying, “Maybe I’ll have a couple of beers with the guys tonight” and then you end up drinking 15 pints of Guinness and wake up in a kilt on an Aer Lingus flight.
6:30: Much like Kramer in “The Contest,” I’m out. I never took a break, and knocked out 27 drafts, with 26 of them coming in a six-hour span. Except for my kid bein’ born, this is the greatest night in the history of my life.
7:00 One more to go, with Erik Beimfohr over on Spike Week.
8:30: I’m done. And I swear — I swear — I can’t log into Underdog right now on my computer. It’s as if the universe is telling me to stop drafting best ball teams.
12 hours later …
8:43 a.m.: I can still draft on my phone. All good.